I just saw a hot homeless man
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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