I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize