alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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