So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
