i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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