So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
