I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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