I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
