I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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