Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
