I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
