i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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