I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
