i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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