if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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