some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I want a musical about memes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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