As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
