I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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