I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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