Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize