We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
