Grow some girl-balls and come out already
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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