she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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