I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize