i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize