I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
