Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
