mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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