Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
