Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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