Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
