Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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