someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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