i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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