i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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