I'm gonna have a badass scar
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
