from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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