yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
