I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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