It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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