Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
