Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
