A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
