i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
