When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
