I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
