Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
