When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
