Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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