i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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