i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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