I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
