watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
