The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
