I cannot find my penis.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
