Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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