halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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