just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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