a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
