I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize