omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
