Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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