he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
