Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
