U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Who died my cat blue again?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
