She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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