Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sober January is a disaster.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
